"Gym"

Since Tim and I have been apart,  I haven't had much of a desire to start (or resume) a relationship with anyone else. Although one day  I did hang out with my devastatingly handsome blue-eyed boy toy, I quickly realized I just wasn't into it when we kissed. There was no flame. No spark. I just wanted him to leave.

I also felt nothing when the former love of my life and I attempted to rekindle the flames of passion and desire. He was so caring and affectionate but I couldn't help but try to find the fastest escape route and high-tail it out of there.

Due to these epic fails and a couple others in between, I've decided to give up on men for now. No I'm not jaded enough to play for the other team, but I think I'm just going to let it be...I'm going to focus my energy on something else; something a bit more positive... I've decided to rekindle my relationship with "Gym".

Gym is going to be my new boyfriend... Gym and I first met when I was 16. I had a brief encounter with "him" when I was still in high school but my parents did not support our relationship so I had to give him up.

I had another encounter with Gym when i was in my early 20's. A few of my friends and I used to meet him on our lunch hour to pass the time but I didn't really feel a connection to him. After I changed jobs, I slowly forgot about Gym.

A year or so later or I met Gym again but this time he had changed. He was different. This Gym wasn't your run-of-the-mill find one on every corner type. Gym had matured. He was higher class. He now catered to a  different type of person. This Gym was more intimate, more private. Gym broadened my interests by introducing me to American Kickboxing and Muay Thai. This is when i first fell in love with Gym...

I had a great relationship with Gym for a couple years. I saw him often, usually five to six days a week. If I didn't see him for more than a couple of days I became very agitated. I yearned for Gym. Gym was always there for me. When I was in a bad mood, I could always count on Gym to make me feel better. Gym was my shoulder to cry on.

Things between Gym and I changed on one fateful day. I was in a horrible mood when I went to see Gym. My blood was boiling and my mind was elsewhere. My focus was absent during kickboxing class. The instructor warned me to pay attention and focus on my form but I refused to listen. I just wanted to be with gym; angry or not. I was sloppily punching and kicking the heavy bag with fury and frustration when if felt a horrible pop in knee. It hurt so much but I refused to cry. I refused to cry in front of Gym.

After this, Gym and I grew apart. My injury kept me out of the gym for the majority of a year. After having knee surgery, I was reluctant to go see Gym again. I was afraid of re-injuring myself and having to relive that torturous ordeal again. I tried, I really did. I went to visit Gym a few times thereafter but it was no use. My heart was no longer in it. Fear and anxiety had replaced the positive feeling I once had for gym. Gym and I broke up.

I shied sway from Gym for for the majority of nine of years. I thought about him from time to time and contemplated seeing him again but it never seemed to work out. I always found a reason to stay away. My career and motherhood were two good "reasons" that I used as an excuse not to see him. I must admit that I did miss him but I wasn't ready to make a commitment to him again.

Everything changed earlier this year. After a failed disaster of a pseudo relationship with Mike, I needed a hobby. I was in dire need of a distraction so I started to visit Gym again. I saw him pretty regularly at first but there was no real spark. Gym and I didn't really make a connection until I started taking  Muay Thai again. Once martial arts came back into the picture, our relationship started blossoming. I fell in love with Gym all over again. Unfortunately, I still didn't make him a priority. After all, Tim was in the picture when this was happening so my attention was split between Tim and Gym not to mention all the other crap and responsibilities in my life.

After Tim and I split the first time, Gym really helped me pull through. Unfortunately, I've distanced myself from Gym after this last break up with Tim. I've been in a really low place. I know that Gym would help me feel better but I haven't been able to commit to Gym. I've found solace in laying on the couch and stuffing carbs of all flavors and variations into my mouth hence the 15lb weight gain.  That is until now. As time passes, I'm starting to feel better about the break up but worse about myself. 15 pounds on my small frame really shows. I feel flabby, fluffy, and totally unattractive. Needless to say, that sure as hell ain't working for me. My bleak outlook is improving now that my heart is healing and I feel like Gym and I need to rekindle our romance...
I'm looking forward to seeing Gym after work today.  I truly can't wait. I'm ready to make an honest commitment to Gym. I'm ready to make an honest commitment to myself...