I chose not to ring in the New Year in a traditional manner which for me would include loud music, dancing, kissing a stranger at midnight, and of course, lots of alcohol. Instead, I opted to work.
I didn't feel like celebrating much of anything so my options were limited to either working overtime or staying home with a bottle of red wine and "my girls" Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. There really was no point in taking the time to doll myself up when inside I'm still in mourning. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't hide my emotions well. No matter how hot I looked, I would have been ugly because I would have felt uncomfortable and pessimistic. Besides no one likes a girl who snarls, pretty or not.
On a brighter note, thoughts of Tim are slowly fading which means that my heart is beginning to heal. I won't lie, I still think about him a lot but it's not the same as it use to be. I still pray for him and his kids every day as I pray for myself. I know that God is listening because peace is starting to replace the pain I feel.
I've decided to work on myself this year. I'm going to get back into shape since I've gained about 20lbs since we broke up. I'm not doing this because I want to attract a man; I'm doing it because I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I gave him too much power and it's time for me to take it back. I will slowly regain my happiness and confidence. Baby steps...
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