Christmas

Christmas came and went. It was relatively painless, I suppose. I suffered my yearly holiday kitchen injury. This year it was a burn on my wrist that still hurts and will undoubtedly leave a scar. I guess it's better than last year because there were no smoke or flames this time.

I enjoyed spending time with my family and friends. It was refreshing to have a house full of happy people. My son had a wonderful time celebrating this year. It's the happiest I've seen him in a really long time. For that I feel so very grateful. It was a reminder to me that I am loved and that I am still capable of loving.

Although Christmas was bearable, I did feel a sense of sadness after my guests left and my boy went to sleep. It's the same sadness and loneliness that set in when I'm alone with my thoughts. Deep down inside, part of me was hoping to hear from Tim. I wasn't necessarily expecting a card or a call, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't secretly wishing for a simple text message. Even the standard generic, group text wishing me and my family a Merry Christmas would have sufficed. I didn't want anything special. I didn't want him to profess his love or express his regret. All I wanted was to know that he was still thinking of me like I think of him.

I know it's probably a blessing that he didn't contact me. I should be thanking my lucky stars that he's kept his distance. The rational part of my brain recognizes that this is in fact a good thing. However, there's still a small part of me that has hope that he'll come back. My heart still believes that he was sincere when he said that he loved me. I'm hoping that time and distance will make these feelings fade. Maybe by next Christmas I won't remember his name or see his face when I close my eyes.