I wouldn't want to date me either

As I aimlessly strolled through Target today, I had an epiphany. For some random reason, I stopped in front of a book called "Why We Broke Up". As I read the title of book, I thought to myself, "I understand why we broke up. I wouldn't want to be with me either".  Ding, ding, ding, ding!!

I was standing there alone, in my work pants and boots, wet hair pinned back with a barrette, and minimal make-up. That's my uniform for half the week. The other half of the week I wear  yoga pants, a baggy sweatshirt, and no make up with my hair undone. My house is a mess. I've gained at least 15 pounds. I haven't washed my car since November. I haven't bought any new clothes or gone out since October. Hell, I haven't even opened my blinds since October. I am a disaster. A complete disaster!

I seriously need to get it together. It's been three months since we broke up and I'm better. I don't miss him very much anymore. I think about him every now and then but I don't feel haunted by him or memories of him. I just don't know how to dig myself out of this dark hole I'm in. I want to be excited about things. I want to be happy but I just can't get there. Most of the time I feel nothing at all. I'm completely numb. On the bright side (or not so bright side), I have no problems getting agitated or flying off the edge. My hot ass temper is still very much in tact. I compare myself to the zombies in "The Walking Dead". I trudge through life slowly looking ugly and pale until something pisses me off. Then I attack. I'm in stuck in a trance until I'm ready to rip someones head off. I don't know about you, but I think I have a problem...

I guess what really frustrates me right now is that I don't know what to do to fix the problem. The fact that I don't have a resolution in and of itself poses a problem for me because I am a "doer". When something needs to be done and done right, I get it done. I just don't know what to do. I need a plan. I need some inspiration. I need a sign. God please send me a sign...